Prankster
by shattered petal
Summary: It's all fun and games until an idiot decides to frighten his commanding officer. -Halloween oneshot


**author's note**: This was a request on Tumblr and is a couple of days late. But here you go! Set pre-manga.

* * *

**Title**: Prankster  
**Genre**: Humour  
**Rating**: K

* * *

Halloween. A "holiday" coined by the Amestrian race, and a seemingly useless break to those who lived up at Fort Briggs. What was the point of a holiday if a holiday was not involved? Furthermore, the Bears rarely took holidays. The Fort was their life. Their role in the military was no longer a career or job. It was something much, much more.

Despite how fierce they valued their profession, they all had a sense of humour. Except for Major General Armstrong. Actually, she did, but whenever she laughed (a _rare_ occurrence) it was usually out of spite or towards something rather sick. There was no joy in her laugh. Just a chill, and anyone who heard her laugh wouldn't dare laugh _with_ her. No, they were being laughed _at_.

No decorations were hung around the Fort that Halloween evening. This came as no surprise, however a couple of soldiers had a few pranks up their sleeves.

Captain Buccaneer, naturally, was in charge of it all. His commanding officer was aware of the preparations but had no desire to involve herself. Her men could have a little fun, but it didn't mean she had to either. The Captain didn't bother inquiring though. Instead he attempted to catch Major Miles' attention from his paperwork.

After watching the Ishvalan for about ten minutes, Miles finally spoke: 'No, Buccaneer, that's not distracting.'

'Shame. I was _tryin'_ to distract you. You mind comin' with me, Sir?'

'Why?'

Over the past couple of years Miles had been more able to shield his emotions. He was a feisty man–– he always had been. But Buccaneer thought the Ishvalan had picked up his several perks from dear Olivier. Those two did spend a great deal of time together, after all.

However, that didn't mean Miles was completely immune to the odd scare.

Coolly, Buccaneer shrugged. 'Some recruits are behavin' out of order.'

Never did the Captain go over to Miles to complain about _recruits_. Buccaneer found it a _pleasure_ to frighten them.

Obviously the large man realised his error so quickly added: 'And I felt they should know who the real man in charge is 'ere.' That still sounded dreadfully out of character, but the Major accepted the excuse.

Placing his pen down the Ishvalan nodded. 'Fine. Let's get this over with.'

Relieved he had finally moved his ass, Buccaneer escorted Miles down the spiral staircase and towards one of the dorms. Miles narrowed his brows. Why were they heading here? Surely if recruits were causing mischief, it'd be in one of the larger rooms. Say, the training hall. Buccaneer did seem confident though so, maybe foolishly, Miles followed.

Opening the door, Buccaneer's voice roared through the small room: 'A'right, you mutts! Time you stop actin' like little spoilt princesses, and act like men!'

Miles sighed. Like he thought, there was no real reason he should be here. Quickly, the recruits got in line and saluted, backs straight. The Ishvalan placed his hands behind his back and eyed each one of them, before looking at Buccaneer.

He recognised the look being given to him. So Miles turned back to the recruits.

Before he could speak, however, he felt something behind him. The Ishvalan turned, eyes catching sight of a hand––

An embarrassingly loud yelp escaped his lips when a shadowy figure appeared from beneath a bunk, growling, hand outstretched. On instinct, Miles went for his gun and aimed it at the strange creature, only to realise it was a recruit.

Laughs erupted the area. Angry and humiliated, Miles shoved his weapon back into his belt. No way were they getting away with this.

'In line _now_!'

Instantly the laughs stopped, and each recruit froze, hands at their sides, eyes wide. Even Buccaneer jumped a little by Miles' tone.

'Trying to scare me, eh?' The Major cocked a brow, nearing them. 'How about I give you a _real_ scaring? No rests tonight. Each one of you are under _my_ command, and I shall be making you work so hard it'll feel like your spines are about to break. Captain Buccaneer may allow the odd second to breathe. But, believe me, I offer no mercy.'

He wasn't lying, they all knew this.

A pause.

'Am I clear?'

'Sir, yes Sir!'

'You bet I am.' Miles pulled a crooked smile. It was cruel, powerful, frightening. The recruits shuddered. This was fun. 'Training Hall, _now_! I want you all sprinting when I get there.'

Each fled single file. Miles turned to Buccaneer.

With an amused expression, the Captain gingerly saluted.

'Sir...?'

'Oh, you think I'm going to be easy on you?'

'We _are_ friends, so I assumed...' Buccaneer curled his lips. 'You're not lettin' this go, are you?'

'Nope.'

'You want me workin' with the recruits, don't you?'

Miles nodded. 'You seem to get on _so well_ with them, Buccaneer, I thought–– why not?'

For a second, Buccaneer pouted. This wasn't fair. And this was even more humiliating than what happened to Miles! Sometimes that man abused his rank. Buccaneer agreed it was well deserved, but he didn't like being pushed around by a man who was _younger_ and _shorter_ than him. He was here before Miles anyway!

Olivier was an exception. He tended to have a soft spot for the ladies.

Shoulders slumped, Buccaneer walked out.

'Back straight, Captain. I want my recruits to look at you and realise that is _not_ what they want to become.'

'You could be more subtle with the insults, y'know...'

Miles smirked. Whatever the case, the two always seemed to amuse the other. 'I'll make it up to you, Buccaneer. I have plans.'

Curious, and not so humiliated anymore, Buccaneer obeyed his superior's commands.

* * *

It was an hour before midnight. Miles stuck to his word and had the recruits doing strenuous workouts until they could no longer move. Captain Buccaneer wasn't struggling so much, but he found it decent to pull a face at Miles whenever the Ishvalan turned away. _Jackass_. Once each recruit had been dismissed, except for two of them, who Miles ordered to stay behind, Buccaneer approached him.

'I could report you to Major General Armstrong.'

Miles looked at him.

Buccaneer rolled his eyes. 'She _migh'_ give a shit.'

'Let's hope,' Miles said sarcastically. Afterwards he faced the two remaining recruits. 'Consider yourselves lucky. You two and I will be pulling a prank ourselves.'

This wasn't something Buccaneer wanted to miss, but it seemed Miles had already arranged his role.

'All three of you listen up: now, I know the Major General's shifts pretty well. Today she sleeps around this hour. Trust me, after this she will change it and I doubt she'll trust me with such valuable information ever again––' Buccaneer was now starting to grin, '––But I didn't want to miss this.'

The Captain sniggered. 'I can't wai' to see the look on your face when she skins yer alive.'

'Oh no, Buccaneer. Us three will place the blame on you.'

'... Thanks, mate. You're a true friend.'

Miles then revealed the plan.

* * *

Olivier was sleeping, but she didn't sleep deeply. She had to be constantly alert. The woman was one of the most targeted people in the whole of Amestris, and sleep wasn't as valuable as her pride. Yet after hours and hours of non-stop work, she was exhausted and a rest was required quickly.

Unbeknownst to her, her most trusted colleague had intended to call a prank.

There was a window which led straight into her room, but the only way to get there was by climbing that actual building. Those trained could do that. In fact, it was a part of their training to climb the Wall.

So, of course, those trained could reach her windows but who in their right mind would?

Apparently Miles would, and two reluctant recruits.

Buccaneer was told to watch at the door, in case anything horrendous happened. Miles was at the window, and attempted to open it, but after a while Buccaneer realised it was locked.

Tip-toeing over, he carefully opened the window, earning an impatient glare from Miles. Mouthing an offended "what?" at him, the Captain soon returned to his place. Miles in front, the recruits followed, ever so quiet as they touched the ground.

That was the hardest part. Next, they needed to wake the General up.

The two recruits were wise enough to tread on either side of her bed. Miles, however, was a little more daring and actually stepped _on_ the bed, proceeding over to the woman so she was between his legs.

It didn't take long for Olivier to wake.

At once she took action, kicking Miles. The Ishvalan went flying off the bed, thudding onto the hard ground and pelting into the wall. Buccaneer made a very odd noise: it was between a laugh and a horrified scream. The two recruits decided to stay away from their commanding officer and help Miles, who was, currently, in a lot of pain.

Olivier had no sympathy.

'Miles, are you okay?' If Buccaneer did care, he wasn't showing it very well while he laughed so hard tears were pouring out of his eyes.

The commanding officer failed to show any emotion, but her eyes were full of fury while she threw away the sheet and approached her second-in-command. Miles looked up at her, and smiled nervously.

'Happy Halloween...?'

Olivier pursed her lips, and inhaled.

'You want a Halloween, Miles? I'll give you _all_ a _very_ good Halloween, then. Trick or treat? I'm going for trick. It'll turn out to be a real treat for me anyway.'

Neither had to take long to figure out who was scaring who.

And by three in the morning, Miles and Buccaneer were bloodied in several areas of their body, they could barely stand, and the recruits were unconscious for all they knew. Finishing a seventieth sit-up, Miles said: 'Worth it.' Only to receive a smack at the back of the head from Olivier.


End file.
